August 22, 2008

So first of all. God taught me something really cool a while ago. I'd been struggling with some stuff. Just really a lot of wondering where God was in the midst of life and if he really cared about the little things. I feel silly, even childish, admitting to it. I mean, come on, I've been a Christian for so long and yet I still have doubts like that. God in his grace showed me how much he cared. See, I was trying to fit him into my box. I'd assume he wasn't answering my prayers simply because it wasn't the answer I as looking for. I ask him to show me what he wants me to do and yet when he does and it's not what I had wnated to do I don't believe him. I tell him to show me a sign that he really meant what he said. And yet, I'm so blind I can't see that he already showed me what he wanted to do he just left the choice up to me.

I don't want to be one who takes the easy way out. God taught me that if I'm always afraid of being stretched I'll never grow. Asking God for a sign is fine at the right time, but when you already know he has called you to do something it's wrong. It's hiding. It's like a runner standing at the starting block waiting for a million guns to go off before he'll start running.

God also showed me that he didn't call me to operate in fear. Paul talks in 2nd Timothy about how God isn't give us a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind. I can't let fear dictate my life. If I think I've got it rough think about Paul. You know where he was when he penned those words? A Roman prison. He was there because he'd been preaching Christ. He had every right to be mad at God or to be afraid of what would happen to him, but no, he stopped and encouraged Timothy. Not only that but he wrote to Timothy about the faithfulness of God.

It's hard to believe I'm actually going to Ethiopia. Yesterday I mailed my application for the missions organization and my visa application. I should get my passport with the visa in it back sometime next week. The lady I'm going with told me a bunch of stories about how God put her in the right place at the right time and used her to answer someone's prayers. I'm going over to her house next week and we're going to make beaded bookmarks to give to the missionaries and interpreters and other people like that. So that should be fun.

Yesterday morning I went with my momma to the funeral for my step great uncle(I guess that's what he would be). I never knew him well and we mostly went to support my grandparents but it was hard nonetheless. It's awful to see other people so unhappy. I've never seen my grandma so upset. He wasn't a christian and so there's not that assurance that we'll see him again. That's what's the hardest part. It made me realize that every day people die without hope and that's so heartbreaking. We really prayed ahead of time that the pastor would do a good job. The family didn't have a church, but the funeral director knew of this one that would do funerals for people outside their church. Anyway, the pastor did a really good job. As he was talking with the person's wife so they could write the eulogy she said he liked walking a certain trail several times a week and the pastor was like "Wow, that's funny. I like walking that trail a few times a week too." Anyway it ended up that he had met him a few weeks ago on that trail. It was just so cool how God orchestrated that.

Oh, and today is my littlest brother's 9th birthday. We made him cherry pie :D It's so odd because I remember when he was born and now he's 9...I miss having really little siblings sometimes. It was so nice when he was little and I could hold him and play with him. Hehe, but he's great. I wouldn't wish him any different.